


you had me at yes and no

by machogwapito



Category: Golden Sun, Ōgon no Taiyō: Ushinawareshi Toki | Golden Sun: The Lost Age
Genre: Earthshipping, M/M, Slash, horrible tenses etc etc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 16:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/machogwapito/pseuds/machogwapito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes nodding and shaking your head just isn't enough, and there's nothing left to do but to speak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you had me at yes and no

"We're going to die tomorrow."

It's the first thing Isaac's said to him since they took the bottom room in Prox's inn. The rest of the party is upstairs—very vaguely, Garet's yelling can be heard past the floorboards—and below are the two leaders, sitting in beds across from each other.

Felix is quiet, his gloved hands poised mid-air as he was about to pull them off, his gaze on the blond that's looking at the floor.

"What?" he says, even if he doesn't need the clarification.

Isaac's smile is grim. "We're going to die tomorrow."

* * *

_One thing should always be remembered, and that's the fact that Felix isn't stupid. He doesn't speak as much as he used to, that much is for certain, but just because he's quiet doesn't mean he's dumb._

_At Jupiter Lighthouse, when Isaac had lain on the floor with blood pouring out of him and his body covered in burns, Felix hadn't known what to say when the Mars Star was handed over—when Isaac had looked up at him through empty blue eyes and burned him with the question_ why _. Even as Jenna and Sheba pushed him out of the way, trying to aid the Mercury adept on Isaac's team as much as they could, Isaac had looked at him until Piers had finally dragged him by the arm to the aerie._

Betrayal _, Felix had mouthed to himself when he lifted his hand in the air, brown hues darkening._ Isaac feels betrayed.

_He watched through half-seeing eyes as Judgment swept Agatio and Karst aside like crumpled paper balls, and didn't even feel angry when Alex decided to heal them both._

* * *

"Why?"

Isaac doesn't look at him, his gaze still downcast and both his feet planted firmly on the floor.

" _Why_?" Felix repeats that one word—no more, no less.

There's a twitch of a grin on the boy's lips, and it cuts clear to Felix's chest.

* * *

" _I'm glad you kept your promise, Felix," Isaac says, and smiles._

Ah, the air's gotten colder _, Felix notes immediately after, his mind deciding to go anywhere but Isaac; anywhere but the smile that contradicts the look of betrayal earlier. There's a hint of an upward curve on his own face in automatic response (that's the polite thing to do, isn't it?), but the bottom of his chin is hidden in his cape. With the way Isaac's front teeth dig into his lower lip slightly as Garet chimes in loudly, and the way his head quickly turns as the connection between their gazes finally break, Felix realizes that he must have seemed unhappy to him._

_He doesn't speak much as Isaac's party is suddenly enlightened with the reasons he had for leaving. He doesn't listen, either—only watching the way Kraden's mouth moves, the way Piers speaks with wisdom, the way Garet stares at Jenna, the way Jenna stares at Isaac, and how Isaac—_

He's sad. _Felix ducks his head slightly, hiding the edges of his worried frown in the green cloth. There are so many things he wants to say, so many ways of explaining, so many words he's made up in his head for_ just _this occasion, but none of them are able to make the climb up his throat and out of his mouth. Instead, his mind continues to speak for him._ I'm sorry, Isaac.

_Briefly, he feels the young Jupiter adept's gaze on him, and he realizes his mind is being read._

_At some point he realizes Garet's turned to look at him, and with everyone else's eyes on his frame, Felix finds himself nodding like a knee-jerk response. He's not sure what he's agreeing to—why do people always want_ his _opinion, anyway?—but so far every time he forgets to pay attention and has to answer something, nodding always seems to get the desired end. Jenna looks proud of him after his answer, and Sheba is blinking, and Piers has the usual calm look on his face. Felix looks away, because he doesn't understand why he's the leader, in the first place._

" _You're smarter than I remember you being," Garet says, and Felix thinks he sounds bitter._ Three years is a long time _, Felix wants to say, but he bites his tongue before he can, because Isaac looks even more wounded than he did at the lighthouse._

" _Why did you wait so long to tell me?" His voice is barely a whisper, struggling towards the end. "I would have helped you..."_

 _Felix's fists clench, and he opens his mouth, but Kraden decides it's best to speak for him again._ _He grits his teeth behind closed lips, begging Isaac to look at him somehow, praying that the boy would_ look at him _,_ goddamnit _,_ Isaac I'm sorry _,_ Isaac you're my best friend _,_  Isaac you wouldn't have been safe if you came with me _,_  Isaac, can't you hear me? _,_ Isaac _please_  listen _—_

_Neither Sheba nor Ivan can look him in the eye._

" _This is Felix's quest, now," Isaac breathes, and it's the first sentence that breaks through Felix's rambling brain, even as the last word fades out into oblivion. "We're just doing what we can to help…"_

I don't want you to get hurt _, Felix thinks, his voice caught in his throat._

_But before he knows it, he's nodding at something Jenna's said, and they head towards Atteka Inlet after a woman named Hamma._

_Sheba holds his hand, and even though it's comforting, it's not the hand he's looking for._

* * *

"Do you remember when we were children?" Isaac asks, and finally his head lifts, but he's looking up at the ceiling instead of at him. "Remember when you were practicing your Psynergy with Kraden, and how you could move logs with your mind before everyone else in your age group, and how… how I wanted to be just  _like_  you?"

There are a billion words in Felix's mind, but all he can do is shake his head.

"… No," Isaac agrees, softly. "You didn't notice anything at all." His eyes close, and perhaps with his head tilted back and the column of his neck exposed, this would have worked if they were standing in Vale instead of sitting in a damp underground room. "It was for the best, too."

They open, just a little, and Isaac sounds defeated.

"I could never measure, anyway."

* * *

_"Felix?" Isaac's voice rings through his cabin, and Felix blinks and turns, looking at him and struggling not to do anything brash._

_His voice is scratchy from disuse, but Felix speaks—"Yes?"_

_His eyes are blue and broken and_ needing _, and Felix's spirit aches for being unable to tell why; it aches because he doesn't understand it, because Isaac won't speak to him. Isaac looks like he's struggling, like there's something inside of him that he can't get out, but after minutes of silence he finally steps forward and takes Felix's hands in his._

_They're warm._

_And they're sailing through the Northern Reaches._

" _There's something wrong with me," Isaac whispers. "I can't stop heating up." He swallows. "I sweat in my scarf. My gloves are sticky. My clothes are heavy, and I can't touch anyone because they'll worry, and I can't tell Kraden because he doesn't know how to shut up, and I can't_ speak _because everyone else is going to go back, and Felix, I'm_ scared _—"_

I betrayed you _, is the first thing Felix thinks._  Why are you coming to me?

"— _you're the only one who notices me." Isaac's hands are still holding, and slowly Felix feels the cold inside of him seep away, his entire being filling with alchemical energy. Isaac is warm, and he knows that Felix sees him, and he doesn't mind that Felix sees him, and somehow that makes his mind spin and his throat go dry. "You_ always _notice, Felix, and I thought… I thought if I came to you…"_

_There's silence for a long while, and Felix realizes Isaac isn't going to say anything more._

_Felix speaks._

" _I'm cold," he murmurs. "You're warm."_

_Isaac looks up at him, a silent question in his eyes, until Felix continues._

" _Stay with me tonight."_

_The blond's eyes are frozen after the request, but like ice that's reached its melting point, they eventually soften, and he nods his head._

" _Okay," Isaac whispers, his cheeks coloring, his lips curving._

_Felix would smile back at him, but his heart is beating so fast in his chest he isn't sure whether that would be a good idea or not._

" _Okay," Felix repeats, and he hopes it's enough._

_Upon docking, Piers finds them curled up—Isaac's back to Felix's chest, the taller's arms wrapped around the shorter's, his chin on Isaac's head, blankets to their chins—and Piers, for all his Lemurian warrior traditions, doesn't have the heart to rouse them._

* * *

Isaac hasn't spoken in a long time. Felix sees how his back slouches like there's weight, how there's sweat on the curve of his neck even without his scarf on, how his eyes are tired and how his fingers shake. Felix is frigid and cold, and he wants nothing more than to curl up and go to sleep, but he remembers the word betrayal and realizes that he wouldn't have been able to sleep, to begin with. With subtle movements, Felix pulls his gloves off his hands, and he unties the cape from around his shoulders, his breastplate following suit and his sword placed gently atop his mattress. His pouch follows suit, and after that, he slips off his War Ring.

He stands and walks until he's in front of the blond, and he crouches to catch his gaze, knowing that his cheeks are turning pink and that the tip of his nose is, as well.

"I'm cold," he says.

 _You're stronger than I'll ever be,_  he promises.

He's careful as he shifts, moving a little closer, touching the back of Isaac's gloved hands with his bare ones and feeling the heat radiating off of him even through the leather. "And I'm sorry." Felix's throat is hoarse, and his voice is hardly anything brilliant to take note of. His thumbs gently press into the back of Isaac's hands, drawing circles, before he looks up from his task and finds the younger male's gaze. "You were right, though," he continues. "You're warm because of alchemy." He interlocks their fingers slowly, his movements stilted, his hands shaking.

"I'm not sure what alchemy," Felix murmurs, "but it's very powerful."

He can feel Isaac's pulse through his gloves, and as he looks up at him, Isaac looks back like Felix is all he's got left. The mere idea of that has all the breath Felix has rushing out of him, all rational thought flying out the window, all his heartbeats rushing a million miles an hour. But he has to speak. He has to let Isaac  _know_. He has to speak, while Kraden isn't here to put words in his mouth, and while nobody's looking at him and expecting him to say something wise. He has to speak, because Isaac thinks they're going to die.

"You were right when you said I never saw how much you admired me, because  _I_  only see things I want to see." Felix doesn't know when he started smiling, but he's sure he's radiating pride. "But _you_  see everything—even the bad things. And you have a voice that you can  _use_." He stands, and Isaac stands with him, the toes of their boots touching, their breaths mingling.

"Felix—"

" _Isaac_."

He lowers his head, noses the blond's temple, and lets go of Isaac's hands to wrap his arms around his shoulders. "I'm sorry I left you behind."

"You only wanted to save—"

"I always wanted to come home." Felix's tone is stern. "I always wanted to come back. I wanted to see you grow." He hesitates, nervous, his resolve fluttering momentarily, before solidifying once more. "… I saw the trees, once, when we played around them. Their branches shifted. Their leaves rustled. They recognized you as Venus, and I… I wanted to see you _be_  Venus, because Vale was alive like you are, and Prox was dead like I was, and you'd be so  _good_."

Isaac's breath's hitched, and with a trembling frame the boy presses his face into Felix's chest.

"I missed you grow up," Felix says. "I don't know how the quiet fourteen year old who couldn't even move a log turned into the seventeen year old adept with the unknown alchemy in his veins. I don't know how it happened. I don't know how much of you has changed, or why you're sad, or why you always feel like everything is your responsibility, because I was the one who betrayed you.

"And I'm sorry."

Isaac is quiet like he expects Felix to say more, but his throat is hurting, and he can't remember the last time he spoke that much since his days with Saturos and Menardi. Slowly, he feels smaller arms wrap around him, and at the same time he lets Isaac fit their bodies together as much as he can manage.  _Isaac is so warm_ , Felix thinks, and he chuckles into messy blond hair.  _Like the earth._

Fingers curl into the back of his tunic, and Felix finds the strength to whisper one last sentence.

"Let me see you grow tomorrow, Isaac."

Isaac melts the ice growing on his skin, and Felix stands there holding him for as long as he has to.

* * *

When they find the Sol Blade, it calls for Isaac, and not Felix.

When they find the Wise One, it talks to Isaac, and not Felix.

But when Isaac needs confirmation on his decisions, it's Felix he turns to.

Felix nods his head, because nodding always seems to get the desired end.

And Isaac needs to grow.


End file.
